A Few Good (White) Men

It’s not a great time to be a white man in America.  Blame and accountability are dropping like bombs on the white man, and regardless of whether or not you believe they deserve it, it’s happening.  

It’s no secret that America is moving towards a more diverse future—in politics, in business, in the media, from hill to fucking vale.  And, as the laws of science and nature dictate, to make room for one thing, we must displace another. The space in the universe (or the ballot or the boardroom) is not limitless.  In achieving this long desired and much needed diversity, we will be faced with decisions—decisions to choose one story over the other. White people, especially white men, need to accept the fact that not all their stories will be told.

I live in California, so what I am saying is not exactly a revelation.  But as politics have taken a deeply personal turn, even the die-hard pussy hat-wearers have had to confront how the "progressive" choice will affect them personally.  The line between policy and personal belief has grown murky.  Instead of tax plans and foreign relations, we are debating where we can go to the bathroom and who can buy a wedding cake.  When the topics are that broad it's easier to find common ground—and find yourself accidentally sympathizing with the ‘enemy’.  

Arguably the murkiest debate in our country right now is how to handle the accusation of sexual assault.  Historically, the benefit of the doubt has been given to the accusees, who, historically, have been white men.  And people are really cracking down, or at least speaking up, in an unprecedented way.   From Brett Kavanaugh to ‘Oscars So White’, there is a general outcry to start replacing the attention we have long given to white men with attention on, well, anything else really.

But, you may say, what about the white men who haven’t done anything?  Men who have never acted untoward, who march for women’s rights, who are unconditionally supportive of the women in their lives.  These men are on our side, they believe that and I believe that. Don’t they deserve credit?

I mean... sure.  But since when did deserving credit become the criteria for giving???

Not that we are currently "giving credit" to people who don't deserve it.  That's not the point.

For every extraordinary white human, there is an extraordinary person of color.   For every inspiring story or achievement of a man, a woman has done the same. We can’t continue to give the the same attention and energy to white stories and simply add the others to even things out.  We will have to remove some stories. We will need to make less some things that seem, and are important.  But there is a greater importance at stake.  We will need to re-calibrate, and begin to deny a certain amount of deserved recognition in order to reach some sense of gender and racial equality.

I was debating all this with my father recently.  And, while he is a sensitive and compassionate musician who raised two strong, independent daughters, he also loves to argue.  The argument my dad made (and he is not alone here) was this:

There are good people, truly good people, who are CEOs and elected officials.  They are doing good work and fighting for the success of women and people of color, they are helping us achieve the greater good.  And they are white men.  Are we supposed to deny them success and recognition simply on the grounds that they are a white man?  Do we vote for the latino candidate, even though the white candidate has more endorsements? Do we go out looking for women to hire so that the boardroom is balanced? 

Is diversity for diversity’s sake worth risking a less-qualified leader?

A little bit yes, but mostly no.  

Yes, because I think that is a safe fucking bet.  I think now more than ever, people want to be informed and involved, and that we have no shortage of qualified leaders.  

But mostly no.  No because that’s not the situation we are in.  I’m not advocating for “diversity for diversity’s sake”.  I am calling on white men to better understand the inherent merits of diversity—merits we as a country have been eschewing.  The reason we seek diversity is because maximizing the number of perspectives on any given issue allows for the most possible solutions.  And having more ideas gives us the highest likelihood of finding the best idea.  We need to give that more value.  So there’s that...

Then there is the fear among “good” white man that they will now being lumped together with the “bad” white men—that negative opinion will be projected onto them simply because they look the same.  What a concept…

But what about him—the 'good white man'—doesn’t he get any credit?  You know, maybe not. That’s just how things go sometimes.  I can see, though, how that notion would be troubling to the 'good white men' in our country.  They have never before encountered this.

Even in my own white privilege, I have experienced discrimination of some degree as a woman.  I have more, if not much, personal context for empathizing with the marginalized as part of a group that has been historically marginalized.  This empathy, and personal experience, also gives me the comfort of knowing that, while I may be hushed, I am not being, and cannot be, silenced.

White men do not have this comfort.  They do not have the personal and historical touchstone to see that their displacement does not necessarily mean their disappearance. Look, no one is rounding up the white men and forcing them underground.  We still want you guys! The whole point is that we need everyone.

When I am planning a party, as much as I would love to set out 25 pints of ice cream of ice cream and call it a day,  not everyone likes ice cream! Some people are lactose-intolerant! So I keep most of that ice cream in the freezer and buy chips and cheese and pizza and salad and cookies and wine.  It does not mean that the ice cream in the freezer is any worse than the ice cream I choose to put out, that it would would not make an excellent dessert if given the chance.   It just makes for a better party.  

White men, you will be fine, I promise.  Some of you will not get what you deserve.  Join the club.