The Champagne of People

I am an overweight individual.  Society’s perception of me in my fatness has occupied a significant space in my brain for most of my life.  For a long time I assumed that, while people may not envy me or my body, at the very least they appreciated that my body made theirs look better. That may not have been a healthy assumption on my part, but at least I was operating under the assumption that my presence as a fat person bore no significant negative impact on those around me.

 

Over the years, as I have interacted with and observed people in general, I have learned that my fatness does bear a negative impact on some people.  In fact, some people are so offended by bodies like mine that they feel compelled to make death threats against perfect strangers, for no other reason than because they are fat.

 

Fatness is somewhat unique among the things people are known for irrationally hating because, unlike the color of your skin or your sexual orientation, you do have a degree of control over your weight.  So maybe there is something about the fact that people exist in the world who enjoy being fat, who don't want to lose weight, that puts people over the edge.  They simply boil over with frustration at their fellow humans not reaching their full potential.

 

If  lack of effort to become un-fat was the real root of this hatred, though, then it would be solved when the aforementioned fat people got their act together and went to the gym, right?  If being lazy and gluttonous makes you the target of a death threat, then becoming active and healthy would mean that, from the perspective of the threatener, you deserve to not be shot, right?  

 

Wrong.

 

There is another inexplicable phenomenon which comes from the ignorance and fear of fat people which I have both witnessed and experienced first hand, and which is, again, baffling to me.  

 

For some reason the very same people who have a lot to say about us being fat ALSO have a lot to say about us when we try to be more healthy.  I have, on more than one occasion, been laughed at as I exercised at the gym. I have been taunted by passing car windows as I struggled to finish the short mile I promised myself I would run.  And I have seen the same thing happen over and over to people like me trying to be healthy, trying to be skinny, trying to accommodate the expectations of those around us, just trying.

 

So they hate us when we are fat and not trying.

They hate us when we are fat and trying.

They hate us simply for our fatness.

 

For all the progress that has been made, America still hates when people are fat.  It is seen as an inherent flaw, something to be fixed or eradicated.

 

But do we hate fatness itself, or what fatness represents?  Perhaps it goes back to caveman days, where being fat meant you weren’t fast or fit enough to catch dinner, and so we are still biologically predisposed to resent fatness… but probably not.

 

In trying to find some answers on why exactly humans hate fatness so much, I came across this article on the subject.  It didn’t provide the psychological insight I had hoped.  It did, however, share some thoughts on dealing with obesity that I found surprising from a medical professional:

 

                                  “When it comes to fat people, the obese are easy targets. Their flaw (or medical problem) is out there for

                                   the world to see and judge.   I have tremendous empathy for anyone who is overweight because it's hard

                                   on them physically and emotionally - a real double threat. Most people's flaws (infidelity, bad temper, etc.)

                                   aren't so apparent, so you have to get to know your average person to actually see his or her flaws. But with

                                   fat people, there's no hiding. From this perspective, it really sucks to be fat, huh??"

 

My initial reactions to this very small section of the article are as follows:

1. Being fat is not inherently a flaw

2. While it can be a result of one, fatness is not itself a medical condition

3. Being overweight is not automatically physically and emotionally difficult, it is made difficult by those around us

4. Fatness is not to any degree the same as anger and infidelity

5. Not all fat people desire to hide their fatness (nor should they)

6. Being fat does not suck

 

In six short sentences Mr. Meyers has me questioning his understanding of medicine, health, and his over-all abilities as a mental health professional.

​

This very trim psychologist names fatness as a “flaw” right off the bat, and I have to say, he can keep his empathy (which, coming from a skinny person, means diddly).  I would imagine that, as a medical professional, Mr. Meyers is not an ignorant person. In fact I’m sure he is extremely educated and must know that health can appear in many packages.   I would imagine that he also understands, as a therapist, the power that words and rhetoric have, both on an individual and in society.

​

So I find it interesting, or maybe concerning, that a psychologist chose to equate “fatness” (not laziness, over-eating, or any actual medical conditions) to such damaging emotional traits as anger and infidelity, qualities that are universally recognized not only as inherently bad, but as things that make you a bad person.

 

I don’t think Mr. Meyers meant to make this point at all, but he illuminated an important truth.  Somehow, we have decided that fat people are bad people.  Fat-phobia comes from the same place as homophobia and racism.  It is the same ignorant hate that fuels mass shootings and lynchings and is apparently so compelling a fear that it causes licensed doctors to lose sight of the nature of human physiology.

​

Fat people are not bad people.  This seems obvious but apparently it bears mentioning. We do not deserve to be threatened or hurt or laughed at or rooted against.  I have been obese, I am not obese anymore, and I do not deserve any more or less judgement now as I did then.  I worked very hard, exercised and ate healthy, lost one hundred pounds, and am still technically overweight.  I wonder what the man who threatened Ms. Holiday and her friends would have to say if he saw my chubby ass walking down the street.  I wonder what he would have to say if he knew I had lost a hundred pounds. I wonder what he has done in his life that is harder than that.  Maybe something.  Probably nothing.

 

Being fat is not a flaw or a burden.  Life as a fat person does not have to be hard.  It is made hard by other people who do not care to take the time to understand something outside their own understanding.  There are fat people who can do more incredible things with their bodies than many thin people. Dancers like Eric Cavanaugh, singers like Stephanie Blythe, display more stamina than I would wager Dr. Meyers would have thought (or is capable of).  

 

Even the subtitle of the article infuriates me: “Obesity is a problem for which we need more empathy.”  A "problem". For which “we”, the “normal skinny people”, need to be better about not openly mocking.

 

No.

 

“We” need to be better about actually accepting and believing that a person can be fat, can have more fat on their body than you, and still be a fully formed, successful, athletically capable person.

 

“We” need to be better about accurately identifying flaws.  “Fat” is not a flaw. “Lazy” and “gluttonous” may be flaws, but “we” need to understand that not all fat people suffer from those things (and many skinny people do).

 

My original endeavor in writing this was to explore the psychological reasons behind the irrational hatred of fatness.  But it’s no different than the irrational hatred of people with a different skin color or sexual orientation, the psychological exploration of which I could not possibly do justice.  I can illuminate, though, the fact that there are people walking around, masquerading as well-educated, well-meaning psychologists, who are doing more harm than good, presenting information as factual when it is nothing of the sort.  If what you really want is no more fat people, you will certainly not achieve that by treating them as flawed.

​

To ever have a hope of silencing people who make death threats on instagram, we will need to acknowledge the fact that we aren’t currently acknowledging enough.  We, as a society, the good people and the bad people, are still largely going about our lives with our heads in the sand—sticking with our own kind, reluctant to take in any information that contradicts the comfort of our own narrative.  We need to more fully acknowledge each other and our differences.  We should know by now that you don’t have to be a size two to be healthy.  Some people know that. Most, though , do not.

Victoria’s Secret commented last week on why they don’t use plus-size and trans models in their fashion shows, and the backlash makes me hopeful that we are beginning to acknowledge each other and the value of the variety in our stories.  Even better, fact that Victoria’s Secret apologized a day later (regardless of how sincere I believe that apology to be) shows that not only are we demanding to be acknowledged, but that people are listening.  

 

And the more people listen the more they will learn.  

The more people learn, the less they are afraid.

And the less people fear, the less they hate.